Mr. It Ain't Easy Being Cheezy aka Cheeseman Gets Creamed...

I have been riding around on a scooter helmet-less. Many people have nagged me but helmets are expensive and I have bills to pay. Besides this is a SCOOTER......not a motorcycle. Anyway I was looking rather shabby and sweaty and stopped at a gas station to get a couple of bucks worth of gas. As I walked in to pay for it this random stranger asks me where my helmet was.  I explained that money did not grow on gravel beds and he began to tell me how his 18 year old son races motorcycles and has tons of helmets just laying around. (He was sitting outside the gas station eating a loaf of bread and a pack of sliced cheese...construction worker)

So he offers to give me a couple of helmets for me and my daughter. With my mind being the way it is I began to think that maybe GOD is trying to tell me something, right? SO I agree to take his gift.  I gave him my number - no big deal because I am considering changing phone services soon and that number will be history.

So, he calls and wants to bring them to my house. heheheh I think........sneaky. So I say NO and tell him that I can meet him at the gas station one day. After he calls about 4 times I decide to go get the helmets. They are not too badly beaten up. They seem to be good ones. So I say thank you and he introduces me to another of his construction worker buddies (He is eating bread and cheese again) and tells me that I don't look old enough to have grandchildren.........blah blah blah......So we leave. 

About a week later he calls and asks if I would like to go motorcycle riding with him. Sure.......I laugh..........I will need a head start! But he explains that I will be riding with HIM.

Now I am trying to get into the spirit of dating again since my divorce will be final in a few weeks......not sure why but maybe it will help me to go out from time to time and my friend here is having so much fun building stories for her blog I want to be a part of that already!

He was never really pushy but calling from time to time just to say corny things like  "I'm so good that I have to sit on my hands to keep from waving at everybody OR I'm so good I can't stand myself." These are his answers to 'how are you?'

The last week has been tiresome and I get tired of tater tots and chicken nuggets on my job........So this particular day he called and asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. Finally, I say to myself, a "SAFE" date. No honking with that kind of date right? (Miss Dating Tourettes has yet to share her 'honking' story.)

I agree to meet him at a local restaurant because I refuse to let him know where I work. It wasn't a bad lunch. It was quite strange sitting across from a man who wasn't a total idiot. He talked about interesting things and seem to be so mature. The lunch was delicious and hit the spot but imagine my surprise when he ordered.................macaroni and cheese and cheese bread. He has to be constipated!! Older people just can't eat like that!

Well  a few days ago I was feeling  lonely and blue (kinda like a country song) I didn't want a date nor sex talk (not in a Michael Bolton mood either).....just someone to talk to on the phone about normal things. Cheeseman is good at that....maybe because he seems old..........and mature.

Well, I call him..........I hear a woman's voice in the background *twitch* and for the first time he didn't seem to want to chat so much. Of course, I push it because I felt like I had just cornered yet another rat!
So he hangs up telling me he will talk to me Sunday because his cell phone was dying but I, being of partially sound mind and body, immediately pick up on the liar syndrome....the tone of guilt..........the hidden shame..........the sneaky snake........the turd that won't flush!

So he calls on Sunday............ I talk a little while and he pops the motorcycle question. But I was nice because that is how you get the goods out of criminals..........make them feel understood. So after a few chatty cathy moments I pop the SO how long have you been divorced? Silence ensued. He says I'm not. *twitch*
Then I say OH I am sorry...how long have you been separated?
More silence.........................I'm not. *twitch*
OH - I say - in a most cheerful tone.........I'm quite sorry to hear that especially since I had lunch with you the other day. He then went into an explanation of how she didn't care about him anymore................didn't seem to even like him.............wouldn't even SLEEP with him MOST of the time. I thought to myself........."OH NO HE DIDDNT!"

THEN I said in my most eat shit and die tone that he seemed to be exactly like my soon to be ex husband and that while I had been complimented in the past few weeks that he would talk to me in a most mature manner when he was, in fact, just trying to get a piece. I said WOW how do I meet so many of you guys??????????????

He then was stupid enough to say..................... Well I never really ask you out on a date or nothing............AND..........You know what my son did one time...he was dating two girls at one time and he said that they live in different zip codes. heheheheh (laughter came out retarded-like)
To that I replied...........

Wow .........not impressed..........I hate that the first guy that I talk to just before MY divorce is final actually just tried to get me to hurt another woman the same way that I was hurt.........I hate that even though I told you that I was not wild but liked a family life with church and good friends type of life.......that you totally ignored that. I REALLY hate that you give me dumb excuses like zip codes as to why you think I would give you my body and not blink an eye. MOST of all......I HATE that I gave you even one moment of my time. I hope you are man enough to sit down with your wife and tell her how unhappy you are and be man enough to leave her BEFORE you sleep with another woman..........if it's not too late. I am sure I am not the first one you hit on. I feel so bad for your wife and I understand why she doesn't like you. She knows what you are and what you do. You aren't fooling her.......that is exactly why she quit liking you. She will probably find out you do this stuff and take everything you own so get ready because no man gets away with this behavior for long. Then I asked him...How old are you anyway? He said.............65!
I nearly crapped a bucket out! So he is history and not in a good way! At least I know I am not the one who is constipated!!

Scooter in Virginia

P.S. (9-01-11) Cheeseman just left this message on my voicemail:
"Yeah, it's me again Margaret. I just thought I would call and chew the rag a little bit with you. Gimme a call."

I think what he really meant was chew on some cheesecloth. NO THANK YOU!!